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DE/EN
Two and a Half
Cigarets GmbH

Badly rolled. Well negotiated.

2½ cigarettes. Zero smokability.It started with these.
And eventually, this.

We started with two and a half hand-rolled cigarettes. So badly rolled they couldn’t be smoked. Now we’re trading up. Until we get a Lamborghini.

Inspect our tradesSee the current holdings

THE PLAN

Big ambitions. Very little data.

We want to beat every hedge fund. Every decision is a gut decision.

The hedge fundsUs, according to the plan

THE RETURN TARGET

Wall Street. We’re coming on foot.

They have analysts, algorithms and offices with a view. We have an open packet of Fisherman’s Friend and momentum. The plan: outperform every hedge fund. First, though, we need to find someone for the next trade.

Artist’s impression of management’s wishful thinking.
The dataThe feelings

HOW WE MAKE DECISIONS

Excel says no. Gut says yes.

We trade consistently against data, guided entirely by emotion. An open packet? Character. Pink plasters? Emotionally undervalued. A stylish cigarette pack? We see long-term potential. Mostly on a shelf.

Our due diligence: “Feels right.”

THE STORY SO FAR

Every trade. Every questionable decision.

One night at a time. Every deal in order: given, received, traded on. Follow the links to see where each item came from and where it went. Open a card for the full story.

Night 1

The first night shift.

Two and a half terrible cigarettes, four trades and a surprising amount of generosity. This is where it started.

  1. DEAL 01

    Seed capital

    Given

    2½ hand-rolled cigarettes

    Badly rolled. Unsmokable. In our view: seed capital.

    Received

    The story behind itClose the story

    Two people agreed to the first deal: our two and a half rolling attempts for two Marlboro Gold. First funding round: complete.

  2. DEAL 02

    Came from deal 01

    Given

    1 Marlboro Gold · A

    Our entry into the healthcare sector.

    Received

    • 1 pink heart-patterned plasterStill in stock

      Still in the portfolio. Emotionally well hedged.

    • The second heart-patterned plasterTraded on in deal 04

      This plaster went on to bigger things.

    The story behind itClose the story

    One Marlboro Gold became two pink plasters covered in hearts. Diversification, but cute.

  3. DEAL 03

    Came from deal 01

    Given

    1 Marlboro Gold · B

    The other half of our gold reserves.

    Received

    • Fisherman’s Friend · MintStill in stock

      Open packet. No longer full. Mint is confirmed.

    The story behind itClose the story

    The second Marlboro Gold was traded for a packet of Fisherman’s Friend. Mint, importantly. Already open and no longer full. Remaining contents assessed entirely by feel.

  4. DEAL 04

    Came from deal 02

    Given

    The second heart-patterned plaster

    This plaster went on to bigger things.

    Received

    • 1 tamponStill in stock

      A tangible asset with a clear purpose.

    • 1 glasses-cleaning clothStill in stock

      For a clearer view of the markets.

    The story behind itClose the story · including a gift

    One plaster was exchanged for a tampon and a glasses-cleaning cloth. A very kind waiter at Piraniaglas in Cologne heard about the project and added a cigarette pack from Uganda. Inside: one last cigarette. Outside: a remarkable amount of style.

ALSO THAT NIGHT

Closing inventory: 5 holdings for the next round
  • 1 pink heart-patterned plaster
  • 1 tampon
  • 1 glasses-cleaning cloth
  • Sportsman King Size
  • Fisherman’s Friend · Mint

These holdings are coming with us into the next round.

On to night 2

Night 2

Same inventory. Fresh confidence.

We’re starting with the five items left from night 1. No new trades have been recorded yet. The pizza is history.

Opening inventory from night 15 items packed and ready.Take a look inside
  • 1 pink heart-patterned plaster
  • 1 tampon
  • 1 glasses-cleaning cloth
  • Sportsman King Size
  • Fisherman’s Friend · Mint

THE STORY CONTINUES HERE

Next deal: open to negotiation.

When the next trade happens, its card goes here. Everything else stays in the case.

WHAT WE’VE GOT NOW

Nobody’s offered a Lambo for this lot. Yet.

What we still have after the latest recorded night. Traded items are out. Eaten ones too. Accounting insists.

HOLDING 01

1 pink heart-patterned plaster

Still in the portfolio. Emotionally well hedged.

HOLDING 02

1 tampon

A tangible asset with a clear purpose.

HOLDING 03

1 glasses-cleaning cloth

For a clearer view of the markets.

HOLDING 04A gift

Sportsman King Size

A pack from Uganda with 1 cigarette left. The packaging reads “Smoking and chewing tobacco causes mouth cancer”. A spontaneous gift from the waiter, not a separate trade.

HOLDING 05

Fisherman’s Friend · Mint

Open packet. No longer full. Mint is confirmed.

Illustrations of the items. The pack from Uganda is shown schematically.